Ruby’s comments:
Teenage help: How to help children cope with death
If the loss of a loved one is challenging for an adult, then it may be even more so to a child or teenager who has never experienced death before and the childrens grief may be so overwhelming that it is difficult to know where to begin.
As a twelve year old who’s sister died in an accident, I was left dangling between two worlds: that of the child and that of the adult. At one level a twelve year old is growing up, sharing in adult conversations, taking on responsibility for themselve and doing many things that an adult does. Yet on the inside the emotions are still inexperienced, unknown, still childlike and tender. At an emotional level a twelve year old is still a child. I mention this because I was treated as an adult following my sister’s death and as an adult I have witnessed two children around the age of 12 deal with the death of a loved one within their nuclear family. In both cases the 12 year old was seen to be coping by the family members and noone was checking in to see that they were actually coping: ‘Oh, I think he’ll be alright’ was the response I got from the grandfather after the 12 year old’s mother died of cancer.
It is so important, whatever you as an adult think is going on for a child following the loss of a loved one, that you allow them the space to say that actually everything isn’t ok, that there are emotions that they just don’t know how to handle, that there is sadness in a way they have never encountered before. The following video gives some sound advice on teenage grief:
This is the book mentioned in the video:
Teenage help: How to help children cope with death
The teenage years are a challenge in themselves as the young person strives to keep up with the physical and hormonal changes. The adults need to be sensitive to the needs of their teenager, whilst not pushing grieving teenagers into places they are even more uncomfortable with. Creating space that will allow grief to be shared if that is what is needed without the expectation that that is what will happen is one good way to go about this: perhaps going on a walk or visiting the grave will facilitate this.
